By Douglas Cowan, Psy.D.
Deik and Kim, remember that marriage is a COVENANT relationship. It is not merely a contract of convenience, nor a promise to live together as long as each still feels good about the other. It is a COVENANT to love and care for each other until parted by death, or until the coming of our Lord.
Throughout history, covenants have been made between Nations, between Kings and their subjects, between individuals (as in marriage), and even between God and Man. When such a covenant was established, there were rights and duties on both sides, and the covenants were sealed by gifts, by a kiss, by a handshake, or by the sharing of a common meal.
Today, as DEIK and KIM make their COVENANT of marriage to each other, you will see and enjoy these elements:
· they will hold each other's hands,
· they will give each other their gifts of rings,
· they will kiss to seal the covenant,
· and they will invite you to share a meal together with them at the reception. All because their Marriage is a covenant relationship of love and faith.
To put this in context, back in Genesis, after the Fall of Mankind, when God was declaring His judgments, and passing out the consequences for the deception and the sin, He pointed out that one of the consequences of a fallen human nature would be that husbands and wives would have conflict in their marriage relationships, as wife would seek to take over the husband's leadership position, and the husband would respond to the challenge forcefully.
God pointed out to Eve, with Adam right there listening, that, "Your desire will be for your husband, but he will rule over you."
Now our first thought might be that God is telling Eve that she will have a pure love and desire for her husband, but that he will be some cave man and just want to be the boss, ruling over his wife. But that is not the sense of what God is saying. God uses the exact same phrase, the same words, when he is speaking to Cain in Genesis Chapter Four and warns him that, "Sin is crouching at your door, and seeks to devour you, but you must master it."
What God is saying to Eve is that she will seek to conquer her husband, but that he will respond by mastering, or ruling over her. As a consequence for their sin, they will not have the loving marriage relationship that God had originally intended for them to enjoy.
Now, fast forward several thousand years, and God gives us the remedy for this problem in marriage. In Ephesians chapters Four and Five, St. Paul gives us great instruction on how we should live in society as Christians, what our attitudes and behaviors should be, how we should treat each other.
He begins this section with these words, "I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling that you have received. Be 100% humble, and gentle. Be patient with each other and make allowances for each other's faults because of your love. Always keep yourselves united in the Holy Spirit, and bind yourselves together with peace."
He continues with other powerful, life-changing instructions. And then comes to the place of addressing this specific problem with marriages that we just talked about. God's remedy for the problem caused by Eve's self-centeredness, that the wife would "desire to conquer" her husband, is this…
Paul writes…
"Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
"Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything."
Submission is God's remedy for a heart that seeks to be in charge and be in control.
Then, Paul addresses the husband's response of wanting to forcefully rule over his wife. God's remedy for this is…
"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and willingly suffered and died for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.
His summary is…
"… each one of you husbands must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
Paul is telling husbands that they are not to rule over their wives, but rather that a husband is to love his bride in the same way that Christ loves His Bride, the Church. And that each husband is to be preparing his bride for eternity in Heaven.
So Kim, I challenge you to not allow your "inner Eve" to try to conquer Deik, but instead willingly submit to him, in the same way that Christ submitted to the Father, and work with him as the partner and lover that God always intended a bride to be for her husband.
And Deik, I challenge you to love Kim with the same intensity of self-sacrificing love that Christ has for his bride, the Church - never seeking to dominate her, but rather always working to prepare Kim for eternity.
And I challenge you both as a couple, to use your marriage to bless others, and to proclaim to others that "God is Love."
Douglas Cowan, Psy.D., is a family therapist who has been working with ADHD children and their families since 1986. He is the clinical director of the ADHD Information Library's family of seven web sites, including http://www.newideas.net, helping over 350,000 parents and teachers learn more about ADHD each year. Dr. Cowan also serves on the Medical Advisory Board of VAXA International of Tampa, FL., is President of the Board of Directors for KAXL 88.3 FM in central California, and is President of NewIdeas.net Incorporated.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/
By Alex Miller One of the most frequently asked questions by visitors to my site is "Is it safe to buy a diamond online?" My answer is unequivocally YES! We're all getting much more comfortable these days with the ease and security which the majority of Internet sites provide when shopping for whatever we fancy online, so why not diamonds? Shopping for a diamond is like shopping for a car. You wouldn't buy a car without knowing what specifications you were looking for, and what your budget allows, would you? It's the same with diamonds. Learn as much as you can about the all-important 4Cs before you go shopping for a diamond, whether shopping online or offline. I recommend you start with the Diamond Buying Guide on my website. And just like car salespeople, there are the quality diamond websites and the (ahem!) "less than quality" websites. My favorites are www.bluenile.com and www.mondera.com. They are both extremely high quality online jewelry retailers and both offer amazing value for money.
Bluenile.com is the largest retailer of certified diamonds on the Internet and has been voted Forbes Magazine's "Favorite Online Jeweler" for the past five years. Its powerful diamond search tool lets you search through over 50,000 diamonds for shape, color, size, carat, clarity and price, and all their diamonds come with a GIA or AGS grading report - your guarantee you are getting what you paid for. Mondera.com is an equally high-quality site. Mondera features a diamond search tool where you can choose your diamond by size, clarity, color, cut and value and the GIA or AGS report is available when you purchase. Mondera also offers a great diamond education center, where you can learn everything you need to know about purchasing diamonds beforehand. Both Bluenile and Mondera offer same day FedEx shipping for in stock diamonds, and a 30-day money back guarantee. I've never had a negative testimonial from visitors to either site, and the majority of happy customers tell me that they saved as much as 30% to 50% on normal retail prices. And if great value and great service isn't enough, think about what a breeze it is to shop for your diamond online. You don't have to leave home, traipsing from store to store, looking for carparking and being hassled by over-zealous staff. So grab a cup of coffee, get comfortable in front of your computer, and start shopping! Alex Miller has been involved in the jewelry industry for more years than she cares to remember! She lists her passions as "diamonds, diamonds and more diamonds" and has turned her passion into an informative website. You can find more great articles about diamonds, engagement rings, bridal jewelry, honeymoons and more at http://www.Engagement-Rings-Guide.com. The place to go BEFORE you shop for jewelry online. Article Source: http://ezinearticles.com
By Craig McGinty
THE sunshine had come out to ensure the wedding of footballer Benji and his wife-to-be Sabine had the perfect backdrop.
For the month before the excitement had been growing amongst the players and supporters of St Cernin de l’Herm, a village in the south west of France, as the day came ever closer.
We had already been out for a meal and made the bride and groom walk around the restaurant whilst eating a banana – with no hands.
A large poster of the team picture had been printed and everyone had signed it and written a good luck message.
So by Saturday afternoon the junction of the small crossroads in Frayssinet-le-Gélet was busy with people waiting for Benji and Sabine to walk by.
In France many wedding ceremonies will take place in the village Mairie and then move on to the local church for a blessing.
And we were lucky that the two buildings were close by so that a short procession through the village could take place.
As we waited friends spread out cuttings from roses and other bushes across the pavement on the route the bride and groom would take to the church.
This is meant to bring the couple good luck and fortune and in other areas of France neighbours will lay down sheaves of corn.
Then the moment arrived as the couple stood at the top of the steps outside the Mairie and slowly made their way to the church, escorted by their parents.
Traffic came to a standstill as the procession of guests followed behind and walked the 150 meters to the church.
In the afternoon sunshine people slowly made their way into the church filling up the pews and taking up positions in the aisle for the chance to take a picture.
Once everyone was inside, and we must have numbered 200 or more, the bride and groom slowly made their way through the church.
Camera flashes lit up the dark entranceway as the couple made their way along the aisle; the organist played a tune that softly filled the church.
The priest opened the blessing with a short passage from the bible and then Sabine walked up to the microphone to deliver a short speech.
She thanked the many people that had turned up to see the bride and groom and that it had been an incredible day.
Then the priest delivered a short prayer and a musical interlude with saxophone and accordion was played.
The ceremony of the passing of the rings was undertaken with the assistance of the son of Sabine and Benji.
He carried the rings up to the alter of the church in a small, padded heart shaped bag and passed them to the priest.
The couple spoke a few words and placed the rings on each other’s fingers as the cameras again flashed a whirred.
Everyone then began to make their way out of the church waiting for the bride and groom to stand outside the church for some more photographs.
But the players of St Cernin had one more trick up their shirts as we donned our kit and picked up a football each.
We made a guard of honour outside the church and held a ball high over the guests as they made their way out into the village square.
But it was Benji and Sabine who everyone was waiting for.
People passed around rice and confetti waiting for them to leave the church and run under the footballs, as they did the place exploded.
The church bell tolled and rice cascaded down on our heads covering the players and the newly married couple from head to toe.
Then it was time for more photographs, car horns sounding and the children throwing rice and confetti at each other.
As the day drifted into late afternoon it was time for a small aperitif and a few nibbles in the grounds of the Mairie.
Watching the sun slowly slide behind the church tower as the celebrations moved on into the night.
For more articles by Craig McGinty on living in France including tips on buying a home, the legal process and more, visit his website and live life the French way. http://www.thisfrenchlife.com
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/
By Carol Bremner In the next six months, my son, daughter, and grandson are all getting married. Our family is spread across Ontario and the United States, so I'm thankful to be living in the computer generation. Wedding plans without the advantage of the Internet and email would be a long, difficult process.
To get my point across, let's visit the homes of Miss Modern and Miss Pre-Computer as they prepare for their special days: Miss Modern has an idea of the venue she would like for her wedding and spends an evening researching on the Internet. She looks at pictures of different halls, along with prices, menus, and features included. After deciding on three possibilities, she emails to ask if they would be available on the wedding date. One hall is booked, so Miss M. and her fiance will go to see both halls and make a final decision. Communication and menu changes are done by email. Miss M. designs a database for her guest list. Additions and changes are easily made. Invitations are created using special wedding software and elegant blank cards. Easy, attractive and inexpensive. Again using the database and a signature font, Miss M. creates mailing labels (using transparent labels) for 200 people in less than an hour. To create personalized reply cards, she uses mail merge and the computer inserts names on each card. A relative in another country would like photos of the couple for a special wedding gift. Using a digital camera, the photos are taken and emailed in plenty of time for the gift to be made. There are constant questions from the guests about accommodation nearby, what is everyone wearing, what do the young couple need? Emails answer many of the questions and guests are given a website for the bridal registry. Items still needed are listed here, can be purchased without leaving home and will be delivered to the reception. This is a big help to people coming from a distance. Miss Modern relaxes while she and her future husband look at honeymoon spots
- on the Internet of course!
Miss Pre- Computer, on the other hand, has had a headache for days. Too many
things to do and not enough time. After weekends spent looking at various halls, she and her fiance can't take it any longer and book the next one they visit. The guest list has been typed out, but some important people were missed and
there are duplicates on the list. Miss Pre-C is not a fast typist when she's
stressed, so has to re-do the 200 guest list a number of times before it's right. Her days are constantly interrupted by phone calls from guests with questions
about the wedding. The long distance bill is growing every day. A friend recommends a good printer for invitations, but he is out of town, and another search begins. The invitations are beautiful, so Miss Pre-C begins addressing the 200 envelopes. Never praised for her handwriting, the last of the
envelopes is barely readable. She decides to try again tomorrow. Relatives need pictures of the couple for a special gift. The photos are mailed and after frantic calls to the post office, are finally delivered, too late to use. More long distance calls so gifts aren't duplicated. A frantic call from Gramma at the border. Customs officials are questioning her and are taking apart the gifts. Through her tears, Gramma explains that the 50 items had been individually wrapped. Miss Pre-C takes a deep breath and considers eloping.
P.S. If you still need convincing, my son met his future bride on the Internet!
Creative Home Computing is a unique online resource, providing the help and ideas to use computers confidently and creatively and have fun in the process. Regardless of your age or skill level, computer literacy will enlarge your world. Projects - Hints - Products
"It's Never Too Late 2 Learn"
www.creativehomecomputing.com
Article Source: http://ezinearticles.com
By Terry Hernon MacDonald
Dating is tough for just about everybody, but it’s even tougher for people who are divorced and widowed. Along with the fears of being “out of practice,” there are often children’s feelings to consider.
How can a single mother enjoy a new romance without lying awake at night worrying about doing emotional damage to her children? Personal Strengths and Life Coach Sue Tosto of Garfield, New Jersey provides the answers.
1. How soon after divorce or the death of a husband is it appropriate to start dating?
It depends on the individual, but anyone going through a divorce should wait at least six months to one year before even considering dating someone new. Emotions are running high, and a person needs time to heal before putting herself back on the market. Some newly divorced or widowed people jump into relationships too early because they’re afraid of being alone. That’s almost always a mistake.
The first year after a divorce is the time to re-group and focus on making new friendships. A woman can reflect on all the things she wanted to do when she was married but didn't. This is a rough time emotionally, but it helps to view it as a fresh start. It’s the perfect time to re-develop a sense of self and decide what one really wants in life. A woman can consider what she hopes for in a new relationship and let go of the past in the process.
Dating after the death of a husband or partner is also not recommended for at least one full year. Two years is even better. The grieving process should never be rushed, and the length of time it takes for the bereaved to move on varies according to the individual. Other matters to consider before dating include waiting until estate matters have been handled, i.e., insurance matters, review of the will, and the assignment of an executor or executrix if necessary. The stress a new relationship can cause during this emotional time is not recommended.
As with divorce, this is a time to spend with friends. It also helps to join a support group of others who have lost a loved one.
2. How long should the mother wait before introducing a new boyfriend to her children?
She should know him at least six months to a year. Otherwise, if she decides after dating him for 4 months that the relationship is going nowhere, the children will inevitably feel another loss. No child should be put through that after going through divorce or death of a parent. Children need time to heal as well. If the new man doesn’t respect that, he’s probably not great boyfriend material. The first three months of a relationship is the honeymoon period. Everything is fresh and exciting. After around six months, the couple tends to relax and good behavior wears off. A woman gets to see what she’s really dealing with. Before she introduces her new beau to her children, she needs to find out what his goals are, to see if his values and beliefs are consistent with hers, and really develop a friendship with him.
3. What is the best way to introduce a new boyfriend? Once a woman decides to start dating, she should explain it to each of her children in an age-appropriate manner. After she and a new partner have spent six months to a year together, she can start telling the children things about him, particularly what she likes about him or little stories about places they’ve gone together. This way the children understand that Mom is still Mom, which is critical, but they’ll also see that she’s happier. They will slowly make the adjustment that they may soon share her with somebody else. Inevitably, the children will become curious about him. They may ask to meet him. I think it is wise to slowly incorporate the new partner into the family.
4. How should she handle it if the child resents the new relationship? Should she stop seeing the boyfriend?
Children will often resent a new relationship for the simple reason that they now have to share their mother with someone else. A woman can reassure her children that even though she is going out, she is coming back home to them. She should continue do the things with them she always did. Before she even starts dating, it might help to hire a babysitter and use the afternoon to go shopping, just to get the children accustomed to seeing her go out every once in a while.
Observing the children’s reactions while the new man is around should provide some clues to other causes of resentment. A woman should also gently ask her children why they don’t like her new partner. She should remember, though, that some children may not know exactly how to express why they dislike someone. It’s important to tread carefully. A new relationship is stressful for the whole family. If the children are really having a hard time with it, family counseling can get to the root of the problem, especially if all other avenues have been exhausted. The most important thing a single parent can do is to treat her children the same way she did before she met the new partner.
5. Is it ever acceptable to allow the boyfriend to sleep over, or should the couple book a babysitter and get a room?
Get a room, unless the kids are at Dad's for the weekend. Children don't need to see some stranger coming out of Mom's room in the morning (or their Dad’s, either). A new relationship is exciting and the partners are certainly entitled to time alone, but a single parent must handle it delicately and deliberately. Her (or his) behavior will instruct the children about man/woman relationships in ways they will carry around with them for the rest of their lives. Terry Hernon MacDonald writes frequently about relationships. Her mission is to help single women to stop settling for substandard Romeos and to marry men who are truly worthy of them. Please visit her website at http://www.marrysmart.com
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/
By Terry Hernon MacDonald
"It's a funny thing about life; if you refuse to accept anything but the best, you very often get it."--Somerset Maugham An educated, successful, and attractive woman (we’ll call Jane) reports that she “really wants to get married.” When asked what she’s looking for in a husband, her response is a blank stare. She just wants a husband, she says. She’s already picked out her engagement ring.
Most of her friends are married or getting married, and she’s sick of her mother’s weekly calls announcing the weddings of her grammar school classmates. She’s tried speed dating and singles’ dances. She’s made plans for drinks, only to endure the humiliation of being stood up more than once. She’s had blind dates, which invariably end with her getting out of some man’s car and hoping he’ll call again. He usually doesn’t, and she wonders what is wrong with her. She never considers whether she even liked the guy.
She has made marriage her goal. She may achieve it one day, but she’d be so much better off if she made a happy marriage her goal. She must rub the vision of herself in a Vera Wang wedding dress out of her mind. First, she must determine the qualities she desires in a husband, and also exactly what she expects from marriage. Otherwise, she could end up with the wrong man. The consequences range from a life of misery to death at the hands of an abuser.
Another woman (we’ll call Pat) has been married for twenty years. Her husband buys himself presents for her birthday, like the soap dish and wine glasses he wanted but she didn’t. More insultingly, he gave her Dr. Laura’s new book, The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands. He has a rotten temper. Once, he threw their toddler’s Barney furniture off the back deck and smashed it into pieces because it cluttered the kitchen.Pat complains that her husband monitors her spending relentlessly. He pitched a fit when she spent $2.95 on a pencil sharpener. He decides when the heat and air conditioning can run and at what temperature. One brutally hot day, he screamed at her for having the audacity to turn on the ceiling fan without his permission.
Pat maintains that her children love their father, but they don’t like him. They steer clear of him whenever possible, especially since his method of punishment is to lock them in a room and make them listen to Dr. Laura.
She and her husband both have good jobs, but she is “much better educated” than he. So, how did she get stuck with this creep?
Pat met him when she was 23. He was 29 and from another part of the country, which made him seem worldly. She was so flattered to be with an older guy, so caught up in having fun, that she forgot to take account of his values.
“He used to talk about how his grandfathers ruled the roost,” she says. “All the women in their family were beholden to their husbands. He even used to tell me the things his grandfather would do to his grandmother.” This man told her flat-out that his family diminished women, but she was having too good a time to let it sink in. Twenty years later, she’s depressed, frightened, and unhappy. She has no self-confidence. Even though she has a good job, she is terrified to go it alone without her husband. She’s a prisoner.
Unless Jane raises her standards, she may find herself in Pat’s situation one day. She must stop being desperate. She should make a list of the good qualities she has to offer and read it whenever she starts to feel bad about not being married. She should make a list of the qualities she desires in a husband (“kind” should trump “rich”). Reading this list several times a day will help her attract men with these qualities. She must stop viewing every guy she dates as a potential husband. She must observe a man coolly, rather than cling to him as if he’s the last bus out of the depot.
It’s critical that she listen carefully when a man talks about other women. Does he look up to his mother, or is does she still make his bed? Does he treat his sisters with respect, or is their main purpose in life making the potato salad? How does he talk about the women in his office? If his boss is female, does he resent her?
It’s key to see how he behaves among other men, as well. Is he always playing “top it” with the bigger car, the bigger TV, or the bigger whatever? If so, Jane should tread carefully. He’s insecure. Eventually, he’s going to take it out on her. Women can learn much about a man by the way he drives. Does he tailgate? Does he weave in and out of traffic, or is he respectful of other motorists? Does he drive considerately in residential neighborhoods, or does he blaze through? Does he toss burger wrappers out the window at stoplights, or does he treat public property as he would his own?
It doesn’t matter whether Jane is 17 or 65. She must never make excuses for a man’s bad behavior because he might be her last chance. She must shut off the brainwashing machine. No woman ever has to get married! The single life can be fun and full of adventure. No woman should ever give that up for the wrong man. Marriage does not always equal happiness. Marriage does not always equal success. But, if Jane plays her cards right, it could. Once she raises her standards for the men she’ll go out with, better men will appear. (This is a promise.) She won’t have to jump through hoops to find dates. The losers, abusers, and No-Show Joes she used to put up with will disappear. They’ll sense that she’s out of their league.
Jane will be on her way to finding not just a husband, but also a man who makes her happiness as important as his own. Terry Hernon MacDonald is the author of How to Attract and Marry the Man of Your Dreams (Even if You're Not Rich, Thin, or Beautiful).
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/
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